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AFRICANS

Africans got rhythm, Africans got soul. Bold black women with curves that brings the coke bottle to shame. Loud laughter that fills the soul with expectancy and joy. Smiles that promise fun and sensuality. Black men built to protect, with long sure strides that melt the heart of romantic damsels. 

Africans got rhythm: vast open spaces where the wind blows soothing rhymes and brings nature alive. Trees that dance to the rhymes of the wind and birds that bring vocals to the rhymes of the wind. African women’s hips that sway to the rhyme of the wind, African man’s large palms that beat drums to the rhymes of nature joined with nature joined with nature to bring alive everything in the vicinity. Africa is the home of rhythm, music an integral part of its make up. Drums, loud, fast, slow, wailing songs that speak of joy, excitement, sexuality, pain, anguish and all things a human has ever experienced. 

Quiet humming as the clothes are hung to dry, quiet songs as the wood is chopped by strong capable hands. Hips swaying, dipping and grinding in time with the beating of the drums, Hands clapping, tongues ululating in encouragement, in joy, in celebration, in concession. No one laughs, sings, dances like an African. Africans have depths unknown and unimaginable, the very essence of us is warmth and rhythm. Blessed with the ability to carry unfathomable wisdom, hope and joy in simplicity. Africans got rhythm Africans got soul. I AM A PROUD AFRICAN WOMAN! 

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Aside

I went to a feminism course a couple of weeks ago and learned a lot about oppression. I used to think I was very free (considering I share my opinion whenever I can even when it is not solicited) but I came into the realization that there are false freedoms and prop choices. As a black, African, Christian woman, there are many things that determine my supposed choices and freedoms. Some of the restrictive ‘rules’ that govern my life I have no idea how they came to be but I find myself at different stages of life supporting my very own oppression and worse going further to push the same oppression on another woman.

My weakness has been a tremendous lack of respect for women who wear short and revealing clothes. These have been known in my vocabulary as skimpy- which really as an English scholar should shame me as I studied Language and gender which speaks of these intersections between language, culture and gender. What I realized is that while I am an oppressor of another sister (and that oppression comes in all manner of forms- a frown is oppression cos it communicates emotion that affects the next person) I am indeed my own oppressor because IS SHE NOT A WOMAN chasing after CHOICE like me, and why should her choices be hindered and hampered by my opinion considering our culture and stories are different. Next time you are sharing an opinion about the next person, consider your role in their oppression. And further think on what has determined your opinion if it was and is not an oppressive movement that has in fact been normalized to a point its the rule not an exception.

LOVE

words

i said i don’t know you anymore and i meant it. i find it hard to forgive you, to let it go to move on. i let my draw bridge all the way down and then you plundered my town leaving my walls destroyed. Fear paralyses me making me unable to move unable to think even. Processing what you did and did not do is a scary feet I cant even imagine doing. There are too many layers of you and me and like peeling an onion all these layers will make me cry rivers of tears till i cant see and the scent/essence of you is stuck to my fingers. I cant wash you out with even the strongest of soap and disinfectant. Its been forever and yet you still linger and I don’t know what to do still. I know i don’t want you here but how can i get rid of you when you got into the inner cycle of my throne room. And then there is this new development, what am I to do? Where and as whom do I stand in this? I need to not care to just not care I need to not care, I can’t hurt again not over you not again

long time

i havent been here quite a while. i got a job recently and killed the writer in me…sad…lol. i am now working right where i ought to be right now. in certain moments life is so clear (well where some things are concerned). Time is intricately twined with events to make sense and speak to the future that when you get to the next stop its clear why you passed through the places you have been. If there was ever doubt in my mind about whether or not God is there any such doubt has been wiped clear from my mind because there has to be someone SOMEONE BIGGER than life that orchestrates seconds to flow into minutes, minutes to hours to days,days to months, to years, decades and whole lifetimes. Indeed there is God ! sometimes the time flies by too quickly and we forget to then appreciate this flow of events because we are living them as i am sure a flower does not have the time to say “oh wow i am peach rose pretty neat” we fail to see the same of ourselves but ya there is a God who made things beautiful in their time. LOVELY

power

one writer once defined power as the ability to make other people inhabit your truth of their freedom even if its written in their own blood. I just watched the movie ‘Whistleblower” and it made me realize more the truth resonant in the definition by the unnamed author. There is an amazing ability in us humans to exploit others as far as it benefits us and the more vulnerable the other is the greater exploitative power we have.

The economic dynamic of demand and supply apply to the games of power, the more needful one person is of a service we alone can provide the more power we weld over them. it is such a great shame that there is less humanity in the bulk of human beings and worse that we even nurture that lack of humanity in little cultures we adopt in the thinking that it is cool and making ourselves important. In family relations, the uncle who has more money is the one no one speaks against whilst he is allowed to say whatever to whoever can listen and will make the person who needs assistance to jump through hoops to get that help. in that already is exploitation in a relationship that ought to be comfortable.

The way we relate to those around us in need, is a clear indication of how we handle power. Instead of helping we want to make the situation work to our best advantage, which at times means drawing the last drop of sweat and blood. We can keep making noise about how bad things are in our country but as soon as someone gets an increment we hike the prices of everything including SALT! So then what are we saying? Are we truly interested in the plight of the general populace or we are looking for any way to get ahead even if it means the suffering of the masses.

I guess this is how Solomon arrived at the deduction that all is vanity. Having examined the way we relate to power in  contrast to those who it ought to benefit, truly it breaks my heart .

I volunteered at a children’s home for 10months and what i learned is that people who come pick these kids up when they had an agenda to promote and then drop them as soon as the social or corporate obligation was filled until the need for a face lift.

Humanity is truly lacking in humans, the few who care to do good can be easily overwhelmed by the challenges and lack of support that meets them and so give up and let good go. And there is the issue of persecution- doing good attracts more of it than being complacent with the state of things. It breaks my heart the way Police and V.I.D officers have now made corruption normal and fashionable. Where now they only serve those who can pay and only protect the same even when they are the very perpetrators of crime. 

What then are we saying? That by being poor you lose your rights? But is it not those at the bottom in all scenarios that require the most support? How is it OK to fully and openly take advantage of those with nothing to give except maybe at times their dignity and pride?At that point we leave them with what?

decision

I toss and turn, unable to sleep.thoughts chase after each other in my head.it feels like my mind is another person separate from me. When i try to close my eyes there is another thought coming in growing the tension. Possible outcomes keep playing out on the 3D big screen in my head mounting the anxiety. Growing up i was told do not worry. As a Christian i am schooled do not worry about anything for the LORD takes care of all your need. but no one taught me how to not worry. so i kneel down and pray before i go to sleep and get in bed to find i cant sleep, my mind is busy.

Now i have discovered the secret to it. the how to not worry lies in simply making a decision.the things that keep me up at night are things i have not made up my mind about. When i decide to go left or right then peace comes because then i am aware that the consequences are my fault. I made the choice i made the decision that leads up to the things that will follow then i am able to embrace consequence. There has been a lot of agony in my life because i have been unable to decide one thing or the other but i have learned when i say yes to A then B becomes non of my business.

When i make mistakes and they hurt me again i have to decide to let it go to forgive myself. I look at myself in the mirror and decide o love me,God loves me, i forgive me and God forgives me and i move on.

Decision is the way not to worry.if you worry about the way a situation is in your life. You decide to change it or get out of it, then you are able to sleep at night. Making a decision is taking back power and control over your thoughts and mind because if left alone the mind can pretty much burn and destroy things that are standing perfectly fine. .

Decide and stop going around in your head. Decide and move!

love

i have never been very good at love, especially in cases where my own heart was actively involved. Essentially because these issues point to vulnerability and a measure of stupidity i could never train myself to master.i grew up much of a loner and a book worm so i was left out in socializing 101 and then when i  finally caught up with socializing i did it with the wrong sex-boys. That does  not encourage fostering a trusting relationship with a man cos all the things guys tell their friends who are girls about the girls they are dating aren’t always good and believe me the first thing that then comes to mind, in your own relationship, in a not so clear scenario is “this is what Brian was doing to Jane’ . Also I think there is a certain level of ‘man-ing’ up that comes with hanging with boys such that openly loving someone becomes an indication of weakness and a show of emotion is an invitation to be taken advantage of. 

My parent’s divorce also did not help me think much of men. Trust me i love men- being a very hetero sexual girl i LOVE MEN! but on very deep level of my psyche I cant seem to come to appreciate that there are qualities in them which are useable for tender purposes. Hence I have never stayed long with a man at any given time because I am always waiting for the pin to drop and even if it doesn’t break or hurt anybody, I am always out the door in 2 seconds flat. In times when i am too paralyzed with fear (of being alone) to leave i become the worst girlfriend a  man could possibly have cos i can be, very much a horrible person, but who wants to be that way.  

I pretty much envy people who can let go of themselves trust another human being and take them in as completely as they come, I sincerely believe its a talent. so to all my fellow human being who know how to love, trust me you are truly blessed and its not a thing to take for granted.

But my request then is what are the pointers? How does one, at 25, begin to maneuver the complexities of dating and relationships to just become one who can do it and stay with someone as long as it takes?