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sad and lonely

March 26, 2012

i have been going through a lot of things lately and i have become this erson i barely recognise. i have built up into a coward who cant face issues and always looks for the easy way out that means less confrontation..when i look in the mirror i dont know this girl who is loooking back at me. im  with a man who i know if it was my friend with him i would be singing the “let him go” song all day everyday but im with him, for what is what i keep asking myself, for hope,for faith for what?! hope for what?for him to change faith in what?in him loving me. there is that old statement when a man wants to be with a woman he makes a way, this man doesnt ok? he basically wants his life to not change in any way but maintain both worlds functional with me having a long list of how to conduct myself but him leading his life how he wants.wonder of wonders why am i here? i have always been powerful and assertive but with this im so weak i barely speak..who is this girl…is it love thats got me paralysed or its just mere stupidity? and where did this vein of stupidity come from?!who is this girl?! i used to be strong to be tough and intolerant of nonsense.who is this girl?! i just recently conducted a psychoanalysis on myself and got to the conclusion that because everything else is soo wrong in my life right now im holding on to this thing thats dysfunctional cos its the only thing i have at the end of it all..but then again what is it that i have?pain,uncertainity and assured heartache?that i certainly have so what am i doing here?! who is this girl?!fully functioanl brain that analyses all this, that remembers being loved and knows it didnt feel like this, and knows it is not supposed feel this way.but why wont my fee move?!eish who is this girl?! where did weakness find me? and just why did i let it come in? when did i become the girl who is a victim when did i become so weak when did i become this mess?and what will it take to move me from this state of limbo? im sad and lonely is not a sufficient wrap up but pathetic does better


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  1. brighton permalink

    Most beautiful piece i have read.

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