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faith

it’s been a month i have been waiting on this company to call me about a job i heard via grapevine that i got…lol even just that right there is funny as all get out.its quite amazing how much hope and faith we put in the things we hear, so its absolutely true what the BIBLE says that faith comes by hearing. having no other evidence of an occurrence aside from that someone said so, homes can be broken. politics are founded in spoken words that solicit the faith of men and women in the ability of the speaker to change their fate. In Africa its especially funny how the ability of the spoken word to solicit faith is abused, a man that has no credentials but rose through ranks by unscrupulous means can quickly become the people’s hero so long he promises bread and butter. there is one guy in political circles i especially dislike who propounds that development will come by the less powerful taking power (that’s not where my problem is cos i want some of that power.lol..) but the means he proposes for this take over is by use of force and violence then at the end of the day there is distraction of infrastructure we can not possibly afford to repair or build up also this issue of capacity- do these violent power hungry people have the capacity and ability to handle power beyond beating their wives? But oh how he has been heralded as one who will bring power to the down trodden, faith has been put so much in the promise to the level of forgetting the process.AMAZING but its how all things work in life, at times there is just the throwing away of rationale for faith faith faith. In love relationships, for instance, one is quick to believe and trust in the spoken word- ‘i would never hurt you’ – then quickly goes the suspicion and distrust but its common knowledge (well before you fall in love that is) which points to the fact that people are basically selfish so we cannot cannot avoid hurting each other cos its not entirely possible to protect one’s own interests and still cater to the next’s person’s generally those two interests will not be the same thing at some point or other. the one that kills me (not literally but with fascination) is this one no matter how much we have hurt others and been hurt we still believe in the idea of love, lazy Sundays in bed long walks and private smiles across the room- WHY? because TV through the many romantic flicks around (frankly i think there is just too many of those things around its killing our sense of reality!) any way the issue was i haven’t heard about my job and like most things we build so much faith and hope in i am so disappointed and hurt greatly.

God’s gift to you

have you met me?seen the flowing lines of the curves of my body?the promise of naughtiness and wealth of wisdom in my eyes?

have you spoken to me?heard the low sexy tones of my voice?the musical sound of my laugh?

have you touched me?felt the softness of my skin?the warmth of my body- a promise of unbriddled pleasure?

have you kissed me?tasted the heat of my mouth- a touch of forbiden things,bursting with velvet sweetness and flavor?

have you held me?the essence of woman and heat thats life giving?

have you met me?have you spoken to me?have you kissed me?have you held me?did you take the time to know me?to know that im a woman tender and loving but equally fierce?did you take the time to discover that the fragility of my emotions is no match for the strength of my spirit.did you take the time to investigate why i bear life?that there is a miracle in these hands to build up a king.Did you take the time to realise that im God’s greatest gift to you

sad and lonely

i have been going through a lot of things lately and i have become this erson i barely recognise. i have built up into a coward who cant face issues and always looks for the easy way out that means less confrontation..when i look in the mirror i dont know this girl who is loooking back at me. im  with a man who i know if it was my friend with him i would be singing the “let him go” song all day everyday but im with him, for what is what i keep asking myself, for hope,for faith for what?! hope for what?for him to change faith in what?in him loving me. there is that old statement when a man wants to be with a woman he makes a way, this man doesnt ok? he basically wants his life to not change in any way but maintain both worlds functional with me having a long list of how to conduct myself but him leading his life how he wants.wonder of wonders why am i here? i have always been powerful and assertive but with this im so weak i barely speak..who is this girl…is it love thats got me paralysed or its just mere stupidity? and where did this vein of stupidity come from?!who is this girl?! i used to be strong to be tough and intolerant of nonsense.who is this girl?! i just recently conducted a psychoanalysis on myself and got to the conclusion that because everything else is soo wrong in my life right now im holding on to this thing thats dysfunctional cos its the only thing i have at the end of it all..but then again what is it that i have?pain,uncertainity and assured heartache?that i certainly have so what am i doing here?! who is this girl?!fully functioanl brain that analyses all this, that remembers being loved and knows it didnt feel like this, and knows it is not supposed feel this way.but why wont my fee move?!eish who is this girl?! where did weakness find me? and just why did i let it come in? when did i become the girl who is a victim when did i become so weak when did i become this mess?and what will it take to move me from this state of limbo? im sad and lonely is not a sufficient wrap up but pathetic does better

rape

i gave you everything

but it still felt like rape

you askes and i said yes

but it still feels like you robbed me

i always gave into fear

fear you would wouldnt stay

fear you would be hurt

fear you wouldnt stay

i might as well have said no

cause you were always in a hurry

couldnt pull out of me fast enough

couldnt pull up your pants fast enough

 

there is no decency left in me

no pirde in the length of my neck

its bent to many times to please you

no grace in the swing of my hips

you have taken off my skirts too many times

held my hips and extracted all pleasure that could be had

it feels like rape

 

it feels like rape all over again rape

rape rape rape

on the bed, the floor, the kitchen counter,

on the toilet sink, in the tub

all over the place rape

 

when i did for love,did it for you

you did it so you could tell em

yso you could lay me bare

and shout of me from the roof tops

 

i gave it all to you

but it feels like rape

you raped my heart

raped my mind

and raped my body

all over the place rape

emotion

i write it for emotion

write it cos i felt

write it cos it overwhelmed me

a rushing wave of wind and water

coming at me with such speed

it buried me under it

i had to write it out

to free myself from emotion

i had to write myself out

of a never ending circle of FEELING

i wrote it for emotion

wrote it to stop the tears

wrote it to give voice to fear

wrote it to sap power form anger

wrote it to free myself from pain

i wrote it cos i felt it

i write for emotion

fluidpoetry so emotions don’t die

so emotions become lessons etched on paper

i write it for feelings

so that joy is not forgotten

and happiness is not lost

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